Am I the only mom...

who feels a little overwhelmed (and slightly peeved) by the amount of shit that the elementary school wants me to keep track of?

Maybe I'm just stupid.

Lately though, it seems like I'm receiving a new dictum every day...

• Wear the class shirt on Monday.  (Which is a problem, as Sophie doesn't actually have any PANTS.)

• Track 20 minutes of reading per night.

• Return the leveled reading book every day.

• Return LIBRARY books on Tuesday.

• Start tracking addition reading minutes for the read-a-thon starting last Friday.  (p.s.  The letter sent home for said read-a-thon was abysmal.  Shocking. Nearly impossible to read because of the shit-tastic usage.)

• Turn in minutes for read-a-thon on Friday.

And that's just the crap I can think of off the top of my head.  I don't know how moms with more than one child do it!

Don't get me wrong.  I have nothing but love for my comrades at the elementary school.  I couldn't do it.  The same kids.  All day.  Plus the tattling and pants peeing and snotty noses.  BUT maybe they could lighten up just a bit on my 6 year old.

In further bitching and complaining news, I hate the cold, hate the first week of daylight savings, (because frankly, I just don't see the savings.  I don't think the SUN gets the memo about moving the clock an hour either way.  It shines for its allotted shining time whether we call it 6:30 am or 5:30 am.) and I hate that my body was thrown so out of wack this morning, I didn't get in my, ahem, morning constitutional, and now will probably be backed up for days.

To balance things out, I can report that I love (ok, that's a strong word.  How about like?) the Dead in Dixie books that Kodikins loaned me.  I love that the crippling fear and worry I've been experiencing for the last several weeks seems to be on a brief hyatus.  I love having my Daisy Scout meeting all planed out.

Here I Am. (But not to rock you like a hurricane)

All day long today I've tried, just as an exercise, to not distract myself.  Not to do those things I do to just past the time and numb the edge and dull the free floating fear and dread that seems lately to be so much a part of my human experience.

And I discovered that I do a lot of numbing.

I love to read--but often I read not because I necessarily want to--but because it keeps my mind distracted.  (Because honestly, how many times can I really need to read Protector of the Small.)

And then there's the sitting down in front of the laptop to check Facebook, (I DID make myself give up Perez Hilton a few months ago) my various emails, my blog stats, back to Facebook, then to Go Fug Yourself, and then MSN, and then back to Facebook.  It's pointless.

There's more.  (You know---check the fridge, check on that chin zit, etc.) But my main point here is that the majority of my non-working or Sophie-care related moments are spent just trying to avoid my head.

So today, I just tried to say, "Ok head.  Here I am."

And apparently, there's a reason I've been trying to avoid that.

It sucketh.  I seriously, seriously don't know what to do with myself other than list all the things to be afraid of and worried about.

But I'm going to keep trying.  I'm operating under the assumption that eventually I'll get to the end of the list.
I'm not sure what to do with that "other" time.  My guitar case is dusty and my callouses are gone, but maybe that would be a direction.  Also, I don't look at the blog as an avoidance mechanism.  I do think it's reflective, so maybe I'll try to post more than once a month.

A quick Soph said:

Sophie can memorize about anything if you put it to music.  We sang the Girl Scout Law to the tune of "Home on the Range" a couple of times at the last Daisy meeting, and she got it in her head.  She's been having me help her, and now she has the whole thing memorized.  I was pretty proud of her, so I asked her if she'd like to recite the law at our next meeting.  Her reply:

"Oooo!  Can I wear a cloak and wear a crown and make a speech?"