Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A real post?

You want a real post you say? Not a crappy crybaby one that stays up for 2 seconds or a 2 liner about pachyderms as prophylactics or some nonsense about selling a house?

K. I'll try.

First, an update on all members of the household:

Sophie: She's just big. So freaking big. I can't believe it, but kindergarten registration is like, next week! My baby is so definitely not a baby. She's reading tons of sight words and simple short vowel words. Her hair is finally growing out from the cut from hell, and she's being mistaken for a little boy less and less. She continues to beg me for a baby brother/sister, which just ain't gonna happen. Period.

Also, I'm just a bit worried that she may be a sociopath. Really. Isn't a sociopath someone who has no connection at all to the rules of society--thinks they don't apply--but is smart and manipulative and charming? Maybe I'm talking about another "path." Don't believe me?


E found her taking a dollar out of his wallet. He asked her what she was doing. She replied, "Oh, just getting some money from the tooth fairy." His answer, "What?" Hers, "Well, she forgot to put it under my pillow so I'm just taking it from your wallet. Want to share it?"

Last night for no apparent reason, she SLAPPED her dad right in the face. After I sent her friend (B, of course) home, gave her a time out, and yelled at her for a while, I asked her why she did it. She said, "Well, I drank a naughty shake."

Other mishaps and misbehavior have been blamed on her army of imaginary friends, the dog, and the cat. (We don't have a cat.) No matter how much I yammer on about what responsibility is, that girl can come up with a "reason" (excuse) for any and everything.

E: You'll have to ask him.

Janz: Again--huge. He's taller than me and his voice is more Barry White than little boy. E had him shoveling rocks this weekend--a perfect task for a 12 year old kid. He still continues to spout random movie quotes, both at home and at school, but this doesn't seem to scare off the many girls who have crushes on him. So far--he's not interested, at all, (Well, there is the one) but it's just a matter of time. Oh--he won a prize at the history fair for his essay on Nirvana.

Jimmy: I swear to god, my dog is so freaking gross sometimes. Lately, he's having a love affair with my panties, which he roots out of the laundry basket and then chews to bits all day while I'm at work. Just, eww.

Is that all of us? Oh, me.

I'm ok. I went to a PiYo (Pilates/yoga) class on accident (thought it was regular yoga) last Thursday and my stomach is STILL killing me. Also, there's this reoccurring theme in all of my yoga classes lately on the "root lock" (see also mula banda/kegel) and something pronounced ash-venie which as far as I can tell is major ass squeezage. I'm going to have the strongest "pelvic floor" in the land. But dude, really, how much of a work out do my nethers really need? I don't see myself lifting weights with my cooter any time in the future. (Possible new Olympic event? "Now--attempting a 400 lb. cooter lift for the bronze medal...")

Today's best thing about being a mom:
Reading I am not Going to Get up Today

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
She's back to the 5:30 wake up call. I hate it. Really. Hate. It.


JJisafool said...

Well, there is already an Olympic weightlifting event called The Snatch, so maybe there's something to that.

I liked your "whiny" post. Reminds me I'm not the only one who needs to whine from time to time. Whine on, girl - it's good for the soul, as long as you can let it go.

A Man without a Band said...

Hey, at least you're posting. And I wondered what happened to your post the other day. I wouldn't have said "crybaby," necessarily. Just human. I actually got into a long winded discussion with Lyam on his blog as a result of his post (currently, we're not doing any marketing while we figure out if we're going to sell this business or take it out to the middle of the lake and scuttle it, so things have been slow).

And the house hunting post? I'm sure you know that many of your friends are curious about this one, and seeing as certain of those friends don't get to see you guys more than about once a month, it helps to have the news.

Sophie the Sociopath. Has a nice ring to it. Also sounds like most children in that age bracket, and older probably (of course, the "naughty shake" is later replaced by the "whiskey shake").

Anyway, thanks for prompting us to have the St. Patty's O'Party. Looking forward to summer, longer days, a deck and more get togethers (hopefully one or two before then, of course).

Wow, this has been pretty long winded. I'm sure there is something I could be doing (actually, I know there is). take care, talk soon.

A Man without a Band said...

p.s. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help with the house.

Erik said...

What about this one?

I woke up to an enormous crash at about 4:30 a.m. on a Saturday. I dart into the kitchen to find Sophie, surrounded by frozen groceries scattered on the floor, grunting and groaning as she tried desperately to reach the ice trays in the freezer.

Dad: Sophie! It's still night time! What the hell are you doing?

Soph: Getting some ice.

Dad: What do you need ice for?

Soph: To put down your pants.

NME said...

I think MAN is right. All kids that age are sociopaths - especially the smart ones. And you've got a girl genius on your hands - a spunky one at that.

You could make spare money working in a sideshow as the woman who picks up pachyderms with her girly bits. I think people would pay top dollar to see that.

Heather said...

I agree. I don't think it's just Sophie. All kids go through their moments of craziness. Some times the things that come out of their mouths just amaze me!!

A Man without a Band said...

Hey, I know I've mentioned this before, but if you get a little free time (be fair warned, though, a "little" may stretch into "too much"), go to theonion.com. In the search bar, type in "Mom finds out about blog." Pretty funny. On another note, at the bottom of the article is a link to another one I was going to send to you... "Woman mentally breaks up with Colin Farrell." Anyway, some pretty funny (and some just plain wrong) stuff.

Oh, and Erik, funny anecdote.

Hope all is well.