Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Where there's smoke, there's Jimmy.

I almost set my house on fire. My dog saved the day.

No hyperbole at all intended.

Last night a little before bedtime, and after an early, early dinner, Soph decided she was hungry. Fine. She wanted a hot dog. We didn't have any, but had some bratwurst in the fridge (I know--bad for you, blah, blah, blah), which she decided would do. So I turned on the grill (which had a NEW tank of propane) and came inside. (Catch that foreshadowing?) Now I thought the sausage was fine, but E, who is very sensitive to such things, vetoed the sausage as being past its prime. So I threw a couple chicken nuggets in the microwave (again with the I know, but it did say no trans fats on the bag) and all was well. Soph had her dinner/snack, bath time, story time, and went to bed. E and I caught the new Entourage (entourage? What's with the no caps?) and I went to bed.

Notice the part where I never went out to turn off the grill?

This morning, after I had left for work (after an emergency stop at Walmart to buy a new slip because I couldn't find mine and my skirt is just a little see-through) Jimmy (the dog) apparently started freaking out. Barking and barking at the back door--and would not be calmed by anything.

When E finally went out to see what was up, the grill was smoking, smoking hot, and the ivy growing on the side of OUR HOUSE was ON FIRE.

So--E doused the flames, turned off the grill, praised the hell out of the dog, and called me at work to tell me, very gently I might add, about the calamity--nay the holocaust--that had just barely been averted.

So--am feeling equal parts grateful and dumb as hell. Will be cooking Jim a steak for dinner tonight--in the broiler of the oven. Also, E gets a TOTAL pass for, like, the next 10 dumb things he does. Sheesh. Dumb. Stupid. (Insert other similes as you wish.)

Today's best thing about being a mom:
Who knows? I'm surprised I didn't forget I have one.

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Oh--maybe almost incinerating her?


~A~ said...

We all have some moments. I'm glad it was just a minor thing.

Hope the day is going better.

rob said...

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Oh--maybe almost incinerating her?

Come on! Incinerated baby is the best tasting kind of baby.

Regardless, I like the fact that no one in your family is dead, homeless or lightly toasted in a red wine reduction sauce.

OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

NO E doesn't get a pass - cause if you look at it right it's HIS FAULT! If he had not vetoed the Bratwurst as being past its prime - you would have cooked it and thus remembered to turn off the grill so again the MAN is WRONG!

Okay you can be generous and give him 3 passes but no more! I'm glad all ended well - YEAH JIM the DOG your a HERO!

JJisafool said...

That dog has a most excellent name.

Here, I'lll make ya feel better. I'm only willing to admit this in public because I've quit smoking.

Very stressful morning about a year back. Got Liv in the bath, left the bathroom door open and stepped out onto the apartment deck, leaving that door open as well, to power-drag four or five hits of a cigarette.

Now markedly more sane-feeling, I returned to the bathroom, washed up, and played with Liv. Then the doorbell rang, which it never does. It is the old lady from the next apartment building over, wearing a bathrobe.

"Thought you'd want to know your deck is on fire."

I ran to the deck, and the wicker basket I had managed to flick my butt into was billowing smoke.

At least you almost burnt up your family for sustenance. Mine was just a fix.

NME said...

Scary. And totally understandable. I'm constantly amazed that we don't manage to kill ourselves. I can barely remember to turn the burner off when I'm done cooking dinner. It's alot going on - this mothering business. And sometimes when you are juggling a ball falls - I'm just very thankful Jimmy was there to catch it.

Katy said...

For saving my favorite people Jimmy may sniff my ass for 30 seconds on my next visit. I'm sure that ivy needed a good talking to but seriously setting it on fire? At least now you won't have to trim it back.

Jen said...

Hooray for Jimmy the hero! Go Jimmy!

patrice said...

holy shit. and holy, holy shit. thank god for the dog. would have saved you the trouble of selling the house, though.

about 3 years ago, I left trent by himself to go run some sort of errand. I had just made him ramen noodles (talk about bad mothering) and he was eating them at the kitchen table in his seat, which is closest to the stove.

I got home about an hour or more later to find that I had never actually turned off the burner on our GAS STOVE, and trent had been sitting right next to it while he ate and then was only in the next room watching tv. and of course, the gas was on high, with the flames extending a good inch above the burner.