Friday, December 07, 2007

…and to all a good night

That title really has nothing at all to do with this post. I was just thinking Christmassy thoughts and that popped into my head.

I recently received this little e-mail forward thingy with questions about your Christmas shtuff. You know—fake or real (trees, not boobs), to nog or not to nog (eeh. I'd rather have a rum and Coke, but will nog on occasion), etc.

One of the questions was something like: "Cards: Snail mail or email?" That was a problem, because "Not at all" was not an option.

I don't do cards. At all really. Not of the Valentine, Christmas, or even thank-you variety. I've committed many a social faux pas because of this, and am sure I have been the topic of more than one conversation about obvious breaches of social etiquette. I didn't even send thank you cards after my wedding. Shit. I was way too busy trying to figure out how to be wedded.

My mom sent out the family newsletter style Christmas card out a few times growing up, but mostly I think it kind of pissed her off. (A lot of things about Christmas seemed to piss my mom off.) We received several of those types as well, filled with glowing accomplishments and sugary sweet sentiments.

So—here's the Christmas card I would send out if I decided to tell the truth (well, mostly) about what really happened this year at the Jorgensen house.


 

Dear Friends, Family, and people who sent me a card last year so I decided I'd better add you name to my list this year so as not to be insulting,

Hi everyone! My, has this year flown by. With it being the holidays, it seems a good time to catch everyone up on the Jorgensen clan. Here goes.

Sophie started kindergarten this year, and has really been enjoying it. She's splitting her time between Montessori and public ed, and man is it ever a pain in my ass taxi-ing her from place to place in the middle of the day. Her favorite things about kindergarten are learning to read, art projects, the many new flavors of glue, and her very sweet and talented new teacher. Soph has also enjoyed the fact that her grandma happens to be the secretary, and has had a great time bragging about that to anyone who will listen. Outside of school, Soph has been making some great strides. She keeps her clothes on most of the time, has learned that for the most part, food isn't the best art medium, and has even quit trying to drink her bath water! We're very proud.

As for Janzen, that kid has grown about two feet. He's really growing into a man, and we're proud to announce that he has about 10 hairs on his chin and has started using deodorant! The 8th grade is really agreeing with him, particularly since he's smarter than most of his teachers, and he only has to pay attention about half of the time to get good grades. In other news, I believe he's beaten about 50 video games this year, and added about 5,000 movie quotes to his repertoire. All joking aside though, Janzen is nothing but a blessing in our lives. You'd be pretty hard pressed to find a 13 year old boy who is better company than our Buddy-Sugar-Janz.

Erik is also doing well, but prefers not to have his personal life discussed at all with others!

As for me, what can I say. I've watched several TV series on DVD, including Angel and The Office. I've read several new young adult fantasy novels. I'm fatter and older and also crabbier. My car is dirtier, but my house is a little cleaner. My sex drive is slightly up, but then again, so is my chin hair count.

Happy Holidays to All!

4 comments:

NME said...

Best Christmas card newsletter ever! I'll mail it for you if you send me your address list.

OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Gotta say I like your card better than any card I have received to date!!!!!!! Honesty is GREAT.

You didn't mention the new house...hope you didn't make that "social faux pas" on your Christmas List to Santa or he may not be able to find you!

Hoping you and yours a very MERRY (lots of Cokes and Rum) Holiday Season!

patrice said...

miss you.

bella drinks bathwater too. she calls it "coffee".

if I don't break up with jarrett in the next few weeks, I will be in vegas at the end of feb....

Kbreints said...

OMg I love the last paragraph -- you crack me up!