Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Dear Scientists and Inventors of the World,

So, you guys have made a lot of cool stuff. I really appreciate the cars and computers and flush toilets. Thanks. You've even made some pretty impressive strides in the feminine hygiene department. Pads for absorbing menstrual flow have wings, dams, and one I saw on TV last night can even ride a mechanical bull. So, props there too.


Here's what I need y'all to do. PLEASE invent a tampon with a wrapper and applicator that won't disintegrate in the bottom of my purse. That way, then next time I start my period while teaching 2nd period to a bunch of adolescent boys, I won't have to scurry to the bathroom, discover it's out of toilet paper, go back to class and grab my purse, fish around in it, find the remnants of a month old tampon that has come unwrapped and slid out of the applicator, pick off the Teddy Graham crumbs and gum wrappers, and then try to shove it up my chotch.


Thanks! J


Katiemagic said...


patrice said...

tampax pearl. yes, they are hella expensive, but I've had the same one in my purse for over a year now and it's totally intact.

NME said...

You need one of those little plastic holder thingamabobs.

the beige one said...

As a member of the opposite sex, I find this issue to be of utmost importance. so, until they invent the impenetrable tampon holder, may I suggest the invention of a tampon pocket? I'd call it the Tampocket.

~A~ said...

Ummmmm, why are you even using tampons?

Diva cup

And TBO - shut up. Just shut up. Other wise, I'd have to mail you the contents of a diva cup.

You know I would.

the beige one said...

Why am I being threatened with the contents of a diva cup? Is it because I'm a guy? Would a gal get laughs for suggesting the tampocket?

You know, I'm only trying to be supportive here, while finding ways to line my pocket with cold hard cash. 'Cause I'm copyrighting that puppy.

Tampocket: No Teddy Grahams In Your Cooch.

RansomMe said...

I keep my Keeper in a little cloth bag - it is not organic cotton, so I don't feel too eco-sleazy, and the Teddy Graham crumbs don't get in there too easily. But that doesn't stop me from ruining my clothes at school curing second period (PERIOD! on those days) at least once a month this school year.
from another high school English teacher

ransomme said...

sorry, "during" (can't help it,... English teacher...)