Sunday, November 13, 2005

I arrived home from the rendezvous with Janzen's mom about an hour ago. (He lives 3 hours away. E goes all the way up and back on Fridays. I drive him home on Sundays--but his mom meets me 2/3ds of the way.) Soph was/is making cookies at Grandma's house with Aunty K, and Erik has gone for a jog.

Folks--this has left me, (wait for it; wait for it...) IN THE HOUSE COMPLETELY ALONE!!! And what's more, Erik cleaned while I was driving. So here I am, alone, in a reasonably clean house.

I don't think this has ever happened before.

For the first 20 minutes, I was pretty dazed. I wandered from room to room, munching on a cinnamon Eggo (no butter--no syrup. I'm back on the phentermine and trying to fit into at least 2 pairs of pants.) and just kind of looking around. Then I played some Zam Bee Zee. After that, I put away a little laundry, but now--I'm stumped.

I think one of the hardest things about being a mom, for me at least, is never having time alone. Sure--she naps (sometimes) but even during naptime a mom is "on call." I know that someday--too soon--she'll be over at her friend's house all the time, and the last place she'll want to be is with me, but lately, I feel like I'm a Siameese twin.

Before Soph, I absolutely relished my time alone. I would have listed is as a need, not a want if asked. Now that I don't get it very often, when it comes around, I, obviously, don't really know what to do with it. It's like the Calvin and Hobbs when it's Sunday--and C says something like--"Come on! We have to fit all the fun in that we can before tomorrow!" I find myself alone and it's like--ok, dust something? Veg on the couch? Blog? Read? I don't want to waste the precious minutes--but on the other hand--maybe I that's exactly what I should do with them.

Of course--not having time to be alone has created this little piece of crazy in my brain. It's like there's this little caged animal growling--LET ME OUT!-- and when it gets really bad--it bites. Particularly at E or Sophie or anyone else who is unfortunate enough to put his/her fingers near the cage. (Dumb similie--but as close as I could get.)

Once upon a time--when I found myself alone--I'd hurry outside to have a smoke--but for some reason, I seem to have quit. The last several times I lit a cigarette, I smoked about 1/3rd, and then thought--this is kind of gross--and put it out. I haven't bought a pack in weeks. (Don't get me wrong--when drinking or truly annoyed, I'm sure to have a cigarette--they just seem to have been worked out of my day to day.)

So folks--I'm off to do...something. Of course, the minute I start, Katy will bring Sophie home.

Today's best thing about being a mom:
Thanks to Karaoke Revolution (don't worry--I won't blog about it, but it is THE BOMB!) Sophie is learning the words to "I Love Rock and Roll." How cool is that?

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
I've said it before--I'll say it again. It's so easy to loose track of the part of you that isn't the mom.


amandak said...

Dude, you should TOTALLY blog about Karaoke Revolution. After all the build up, we deserve it, don't you think?

Glad to hear you at least got a few minutes of nonmom time. I can't quite remember when the last time was that I had some of that. In my own house at least.

patrice said...

wow. I know exactly what you mean, too. like, should I sleep? should I watch tv at full volume? should I clean out my closet? should I flee to the movies? watch porn? take a bubble bath? and on and on until I've done nothing and everyone's returned home.

you should ask for that time more often. then it won't seem as precious and therefore it will be easier to figure out what to do. you do deserve that.

lonna said...

I always waste my alone time when I have it. I end up just playing around on the computer, reading, or sleeping when I should probably be cleaning or doing some task that would great interest Dermot, but his interest would greatly irritate me.

I agree with Patrice's advice. If you make it so that alone time isn't so rare then it'll be easier to know what to do with. On the other hand, if it was so easy to get alone time you would probably have done so by now. Hopefully it will be easier as Sophie grows up.

Katy said...

The Soph and I had a great time making cookies. I will always ALWAYS take her when you need an hour or two to yourself. I mean, unless I have homework, which is always. But I will try my darndest to make time for you two. Love you. Sorry I brought Soph home so soon :)

thelyamhound said...

Amazing how you managed with the cigarette thing. My addictive personality is such that if I have something in my house, I use it EVERY DAY. That goes for junk food, booze, various assorted contraband and, of course, cigarettes. The idea of buying a pack and NOT smoking them is fairly . . . well, let's just say I can't quite wrap my brain around it. Generally, I can either be a profligate bum, a profligate bum who occasionally buys packs for his "sources", a guy who buys a pack for what he knows will be hard-partying weekends (or, as I call them here, "weekends") and takes a week to smoke them or an honest-to-Dog non-smoker. So congrats for having quit accidentally, something that surely could never happen for me.

Side note--I notice you (rightfully) praised Whale Rider in your notes. Have you seen Rabbit Proof Fence? An absolute must see that came out at about the same time, about an aboriginal girl in Australia who flees a eugenics program in Australia. Well worth the time.

rob said...

Patrice hit it: Porn.

Quite simply, your answer is porn.

Quite simply, my answer is porn.

Porn p-porn porn-porn


and karaoke.

Kodi said...

Porn and karaoke sound interesting. Maybe Rob has hit on something fantastic.
Thanks for letting me hang with you today. I loved every moment. You're my girl.

KATIEmagic said...

I hope you feel rejuvenated after a little alone time. We all need it!!!

NME said...

Sleeping and reading. Reading and sleeping. That is what I envision doing if I had alone time. And most likely my reading would turn into sleeping.

Hope you enjoyed your time for us all.

Stine said...

Yay for alone time. And double yay on decreasing the cigarettes.

Here's to more alone time in the future.

Underachiever said...

umm Ma'am I done did my "I am from" assignment. It is late.

Undr(just give me a D- and I will leave you be.)

PS it reeks of suckitude, but I just wanted to let you know. thanks. in the words of modern day philopher and former Member of Chicago, Peter Cetera: "you're my inspiration.."