Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Haven't felt much like posting lately. Today's post is more out of a weird sense of duty than of really wanting to.

I hate the winter so much. As the days grow shorter, I can feel my body start to shut down--my energy start to slip away--the happiness slowly leaching out of my life. Kind of dramatic--eh? I hate getting out of bed before the sun is up. And when the sun goes down--at 5:30--I want nothing more than to go to sleep. I started growing a pounding headache yesterday at about 3:00--had to lay down by 7:00--and fell asleep and slept until 7:00 this morning (with the mandatory 2-3 interruptions my Soph for this and that.) The point I guess I'm making is that I have a total split personality. During the spring and summer, I'm a fairly happy, gregarious, and dare I say fun and witty person. Fall and winter, however, see me as a sort of depressed slug.

Our Christmas plans are in the shitter, because of the engine on my old Nissan imploding, and that has lead to tons of friction between E and I. Add to that the current day care nightmare, and things here are just bordering on melt down.

That said, here's a little Soph update. I haven't taken her back to her old school. I don't think I will. So--I've been racking my brain looking for other options. Sweet Kodi took her yesterday, Gma C will have her tomorrow, and Friday, she'll probably come to school with me, as it's the last day before winter recess, and we're just doing fun holiday stuff anyway.

I still am hoping to put her in Montesorri. The scheduling is making me insane though. I lay in bed and think--ok, Mondays when I don't work all day, I can get her, when I do work, my mom can--Tuesdays will be E and F--what about Fridays though? And all other manner of scheduling cluster fucks. I sat down and made a calendar--hoping that would clear things up, but that just lead to a fight with E, and one thing we don't need right now are more fights.

That's about it.

Today's best thing about being a mom:
Hmmm. (5 minute pause while thinking.) Fuck. There has to be something. OK. More trips to the ice cream parlor.

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
She's currently having a tantrum (complete with threats that can't come to her party) because I won't fill up her toy box with water and let her have a bath in the living room while she watches "The King and I." Am I a raging bitch or what?


OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Wow - you know her great great great grandmother (or there abouts) used to get to bathe in the living room! Ummm but then again she didn't get to watch TV so I guess Soph will have to take the good with the bad!

I know that everything will work out - hang in there. It's not some kind of fluke that more divorces are generated in January than any other month - I think it is the wonderful JOLLY FREAKING HOLIDAYS! (And Winter blues don't help!)

patrice said...

aw, you poor thing. and it's only december. hang in there.

lonna said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do you know if there are other treatments for Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder that might help you? A normal anti-depressant may not do the trick. They used to prescribe time in a tanning booth, but I don't know if they still suggest that or not.

I hate when money interferes with plans and marriages. It's just not fair. I really hope that things get better soon for you.

Stine said...

No baths in the living room? What kind of mother are you?

Seriously, sweetie, do something nice for yourself k? It sucks having the bad winter blues, and so you gotta increase the maintenance. Ya know what I mean?

Big hug.

Katy said...

You gotta give the girl props for imagination. So sorry things are in the shitter for christmas but I'm kind of glad in my selfish little bubble so maybe I'll get to see you wonderful you's for the holidays! I can maybe pick up Sophie on Fridays. We'll have to talk about it. I love you I love you I love you. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Kat said...

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this stupid seasonal depression, I go through it to. I hate winter. Move to Southern CA, it's never winter there.

I'm really not seeing the problem with Sophie taking a bath in the living room. I mean really, what could it possibly hurt to have 50+ gallons of water all over your living room floor?

KATIEmagic said...

I know you weren't asking for assvice but you might try a 5 minute session in a tanning bed here and there. I hear that helps in Vancouver (where CanaMa lives) where it gets dark at 3:30 in the afternoon. Can you imagine?

We're experiencing some of that lovely holiday stress fighting in my house as well (or maybe I'm just a total bitch). Hang in there.