Sunday, December 18, 2005

You be...

This is the name of the new game Soph likes to play. Actually, it's the only game we play lately, other than duck duck goose, which is tricky with just 2 people.

Whatever book, movie, tv show, family member, friend, etc., Sophie is currently fixating on, she wants to be. So she says to me, "You be Velma. I'll be Scooby. You say, 'Would you do it for a Scooby snack?'" then she precedes to dictate the rest of the game--with me acting as her pawn--spewing out lines here and there as she sees fit.

In the last 24 hours, I have been: Glinda to her Dorothy ("Mommy--you say, 'Are you a good witch or a bad witch?'"), Maleficent, in her dragon form, to Prince Philip (this was at The Main Street Grill. Only by my super speedy lightning like reflexes did I avoid being stabbed with a jelly laden butter knife), some random monster to her princess (In this one, she wanted to be tied to her chair. Couldn't get her to wear pants this morning. Am glad no random callers dropped by.), and of course, Jimmy, our dog.

Spent half of the morning on-line looking for Russell Athletic NuBlend Sweatpant, NO POCKETS, mens size medium, in oxford gray--as this is really the only thing Erik wants for Christmas, other than sex with me wearing a Santa hat. Apparently, there is ONE pair of said sweats on the planet right now. I checked the Russell web site, Amazon, JCPenney, Sports-o-rama, Sports and Your Mom, and The Biggest Fucking Sportswear Site In All The Land. Each site let me only order one--just one pair of sweats. So--I ordered one from Pennys, and will get more for E for, um Valentines day.

The other half was spent printing out pictures of the kids, and putting them in cheap frames, wrapping said frames, hunting for addresses, etc to send to the great-grandma's up north. As a result the house has surpassed its usual level of repulsive filthiness. Soph's new favorite play thing? Coffee filters! These are super cool, because not only are there like a gazillion of them in the bag, perfect for strewing all over the place--but they can hold things, be smushed into place mats--or cut into snow flakes. Soph chose to fill a couple with orange and black fabric paint (left over from the Funshine Bear costume) and then stick her feet in them.

So--she's currently in the bathtub, playing with the Dora the Explorer bathtub set that we bought for her friend Addison for Christmas. Poor Addison will just have to live without it, I suppose.

In other riveting news--Katy and I made some toffee last night--which was delicious. I have packaged it in lovely Christmas tins, delivered it to various neighbors, and now that little job is done. In the rest of the world, are people expected to bring dinky little gifts to their neighbors--even if they don't really know or like them? Here in planet Utah, it's apparently a requirement to do so; the dinky gift should, preferably, include some stupid little saying or verse with it. Example--a plate of muffins with the card, "You're gettin' muffins for Christmas" or a box of Whoppers, cleverly dressed up as a reindeer by means of cut out pieces of felt, with a hole cut under the tail, thus to dispense the Whoppers/reindeer droppings and the verse

We were awakened when we heard Santa call,"Now dash away, dash away, dash away all."
We soon discovered, out on our front lawn,Santa and all of his reindeer were gone.
I ran to the lawn, and in the snowy white drifts,soon saw those nasty reindeer had left "little gifts."
So, with our little shovels, we started to scoop,all of the droppings. . . YUCK!. . . reindeer poop!
But we so generously filled up your sack,Have a merry old Christmas, and enjoy your snack!
WTF? Last year, one of my neighbors brought over a bag of brown and serve rolls. That's it. No bow. No jam. Just a bag of brown and serve rolls--not even browned!
Soph's out of the tub--so I must go see what havoc she's reeking.
Today's best thing about being a mom:
Playing pretend
Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Finding Soph on all fours, licking water out of Jimmy's bowl


the beige one said...

"Santa hat"



rob said...

Soph is the McGuyver of play time.

"You're gettin' muffins for Christmas"

When I first read this, I laughed. Not because of the egregious pun, but because I thought of how funny it would be if a note like this was attached to every gift.

"You're getting 'Hi Ho Cherrio' for christmas"

"You're getting a terrible sweater that you'll doubtless return for Christmas"

"You're getting the clap for Christmas"

lonna said...

I remember playing with the kids I used to babysit. They used to tell me exactly what I had to do. Of course it's much cuter when it's not your child and you can not only leave after a few hours, but you get paid for it as well.

We don't do the gifts for neighbors thing. What a pain in the ass. It's not like Christmas and the finding of the perfect pair of sweat pants isn't enough stress right now.

Also, I was just laughing to myself about the vision I had of Sophie tied to a chair with no pants.

Stine said...

Just a bag of rolls?


NME said...

I think you need to be commended for how willing you are to play pretend with Sophie. It speaks volumes about the kind of fun, love and support she is sure to get from you her whole life. Not everyone is taking orders from their kids to crawl around on the floor like a dog.

I didn't think it possible for me to find Utah any stranger - but it is.

Mmmm. Smith Sisters toffee sounds delish.

patrice said...

I'm wondering what I'd get my neighbors for christmas. would I get something they like, or something they need? it's a big difference - a bottle of cheap vodka (like) or a grammar book (need)? a rusty wallace nascar flag for their front porch (like) or a dumpster for every rusty piece of shit in their back yard (need)? mind boggling.

you are a good person to play that much with sophie. coffee filters, eh? and paint? good to know...good to know.