This is a bitching/Woe is me/I hate being fat post. Skip it if you've heard enough of that shit. I would.
So--day before yesterday I went to see the doc to start up my phentermine prescription again. Things have been getting pretty dire in the pants department. He looked at my weight and actually shook his head and made that disapproving clicking sound. I could have died of embarrassment. I asked him to scale down the dosage, as the last round was making me too jiggery, and as a result, I quit taking them.
Cut to yesterday--a blizzard. I decided to try and go to the Wednesday yoga class for the first time--got in the car--drove to the Paiute culture cultural center, trudged through the snow to the front door, only to find a note that said--"Yoga Class Canceled." Not too zen to pissed of about yoga--but I was.
Then--as I was already out, decided to go pick up my prescriptions--Both the Lexipro (anti-depressant) and Phentermine (appetite suppressant.) The pharmacy is in a long line of stores, one of which is the LDS bookstore my in-laws own. It also carries a very few "national" titles. I browsed the health and nutrition section, as I generally suck at feeding myself, and picked up "Eight Weeks to Optimum Health" a la Andrew Weil--the bearded nutritional wonder. So I'm reading along, and nodding, and going--sure, sure, sounds good. Then he says, go through my pantry and throw out everything with hydrogenated oils, artificial sweeteners, artificial colors, and all oils that are not olive (particularly cottonseed). Problem. That is like half of my pantry. I know the shit is bad for me--and worse for Sophie, but no Mac and Cheese? No pancake mix? Basically, nothing that has been convenience-ized. Fuck. I know I eat shitty. But everything? Can I? Should I? It seems that if I'm going to do this, I'll have to cook from scratch like EVERY NIGHT!!
So took my pills this morning, and am totally, totally, spun. This didn't happen last time. I'm edgy, gittery, nauseous, and just fucking nuts.
I don't know if I have the will power and time to go the "right" rout. I don't know if I can stand the speediness of the medication. Am feeling like just being unhealthy and 40 (ok 50) pounds overweight for ever. Anyone seen any good sales on moo-moos?
Today's best thing about being a mom:
It gives me something to think and worry about other than myself
Today's worst thing about being a mom:
She woke up at five fucking thirty this morning!! I still had an hour. A whole lovely hour of sleep left. Nope.