Thursday, January 19, 2006


These things challenge my belief in a benevolent god.

1. Back fat
2. Zits ON TOP OF wrinkles
3. Hemorrhoids
4. Hangovers
5. The Telletubbies

I'm grumpy as hell--but that probably just comes from having to go to work EVERY DAY this week. Yes, I know I'm a whiney cry baby--but fuck, when does one clean the fucking house when one has to work all the time? Here is a list of the things on the floor in my living room today.

3 headed dog toy (From Harry Potter)
disgusting chewed on dog ball
sheet of Christmas gift tags
a gorilla flashlight--the light comes out his mouth
a tape measurer
duck bill platypus stuffed toy with the legs chewed off--looks like weird obese fluffy snake
purple pajama top
shards of a chewed up pencil
3 used dryer sheets
plastic bag from "Mountain West Books"
FOOZEBALL TABLE that was supposed to be moved downstairs 3 WEEKS AGO
1Bella Dancerelly wand ribbon dancing thing
duck zoo pall
video box for Almost Famous
barrel of monkeys--the monkeys, not the barrel
pig ear (for Jimmy--obviously)
playstation controller
squirty fish bathtub toy
empty juice box
pieces of umbrella doll stroller Sophie cut to pieces
zebra with head and 1 leg chewed up

Today's best thing about being a mom:
Tough. Sending her to her friend's house to play?

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Soph the burgeoning chef wants to cook things. In her play kitchen. All the time. She sneekes food out of the kitchen and into her room constantly. Doesn't care if she gets a time out or spanking either. She just keeps doing it.


Clownpants said...

I would like to add Dr. Phil to your list.

thelyamhound said...

Dr. Phil is a good call. More than Teletubbies, who I can't help like because I think they introduce children to surrealist non-sequiturs and post-psychedelic letdown, which lends them an air of the subversive, sort of like the Residents for tots.

Other than that, though, I think the list was fairly astute.

NME said...

I'm with you on 4 out of 5. I however have a wierd interest in the Teletubbies, and also like Dr. Phil.

Your floor sounds alot like mine. I could give you a list of all the things on the floor of the office, but then I'd be here all night. I'll sum it up by saying we've got a very substantial paper clip chain, a spatula, five pairs of shoes, and an odd assortment of unused computer detritus including CDS, an old mouse and a web cam.

Oh how I wish I had a gorilla flashlight.

patrice said...

sometimes I wish I had more things on my floor to hide the stained carpets.

so sophie's not interested in play food, then?

KATIEmagic said...

I would like to add stapled incisions to the list. I couldn't even write all the shit that's on our floors right now. It's driving me crazy and I can't bend over to pick anything up.