Sunday, June 19, 2005

The Candy Man Can

I have yet to see the third, sixth, whatever it is, newest Star Wars movie. I'm not a die hard Star Wars fan, but I was disappointed by numbers 1&2 or 4&5, or whatever. No Han Solo (insert purring growl in appreciation of young Harrison Ford with a blaster), shitty directing, annoying amphibious creatures. Sophie has not seen any of "new" Star Wars movies, but, because of a strange connection she's made regarding Darth Vader, she's already his number one fan.

You see, the very first Pez dispenser that she happened to receive was Darth Vader. She knew nothing about his betrayal of the Jedi, or cyborg soullessness. All she knew was that if you lifted up his head--CANDY! And better yet, you can keep lifting, and the candy KEEPS COMING! That is why Sophie refers to Vader as, "The Candy Man."

So a couple of days ago, we were all sitting around, and decided to put in Episode 4--A New Hope--or as I prefer to call it, Star Wars. When Vader made his first entrance, Sophie was beside herself--not with fear, but with joyful appreciation. "Wook Mommy! Wook! It's the Candy Man!" She sat through the rest of the movie--enjoying Chewbaca, asking about Leah--but mostly waiting with baited breath for the appearance of the man who in her mind must be cousins with Santa Clause, or at least the Easter Bunny--The Candy Man aka Darth Vader aka Annakin Skywalker.

What's kind of odd about her camaraderie with Darth Vader is that she has this funny mannerism that we've been calling "Vadering" for about a year now. When she's particularly pissed, she'll hold her arm out stiffly, with her fingers spread and pointing straight forward and say firmly, "No Daddy!" (or Mommy or whoever.) We call it Vadering (as in--"Sophie just totally Vadered you") because it's like the thing Vader does to strangle that general guy in one or another of the movies. We know that she's especially pissed when we get a "Double Vader"--both hands out.

On another Sophie/Star Wars note, the other day she opened the fridge and dragged out a nearly full gallon of milk. I must have been comatose on the couch--because I didn't notice. Janzen walked by, oblivious to both Sophie and the milk, until she screeched, "Janzen--Don't put my milk away!" This, of course, clued both Janz and I into the fact that some milk intervention was needed. After I confiscated the milk, we laughingly discussed how Sophie had totally yet inadvertently tattled on herself. I said to Janzen--"She should have said, 'Move along Janzen. This is not the milk you're looking for.'" He thought this was so hilarious, he spent the rest of the day teaching her to say, "Move along. This is not the milk you're looking for."

Today's best thing about being a mom:
I should write more about my step-son. He's a total hoot. Plus, he is the most consciencious person with a Y chromosome I've ever met. Several times a day he says, "Boo (his nick name for me since he could talk) is there anything I can do to help?" I'm dead fucking serious. He says this. Then he helps. Folks--he's 11! Plus, we've started watching Monty Python together. We'll just be sitting around, and suddenly he'll say "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?" (If you didn't get that quote, we can't be friends--unless you go rent The Holy Grail immediately and watch it tonight.) It's pretty cool to have a kid (I think I can claim him as partially mine) who is also an incredibly funny and empathetic friend. (But of course, African swallows are non-migratory.)

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Getting a "Double Vader" just for suggesting that perhaps pulling the entire roll of toilet paper off the roll and putting it in the toilet isn't such a great idea.


Katy said...

I have been the victim on many a double vader. I think last time I felt myself choking a little. The force is strong in her indeed. And as a side note I think pez dispensers are a little creepy, I always feel like I'm making out with Tweety Bird, or Vader, or whatever.

patrice said...

making out, or decapitating, yes.

I love super helpful 11 year olds that have little sisters. (even when they turn 12.) I would love to hear more about janzen, too - but make sure you keep talkin soph, as well. vadering! I love it.

Jen said...

That is great that your stepson helps you out, and even better that he has an appreciation for the finer things in life, such as Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries).

Kelly said...

I think all toddlers channel Darth Vader. Whether it's the odd breathing after a cold, or the death point like Sophie. It's freaking hilarious, I do know that. I have a picture of one of my babies "vadering" me. If their parents ok it, I'll post it.

Kodi said...

Sophie is a doll. We couldn't find her swimmnig suit today, so she just nakied it in the pool. Hope you had fun at the cabin

TD said...

I'm totally with you on the young Harrison Ford thing. Me-ow.

Picturing Sophie "Vadering" nearly had me spraying shredded wheat all over my desk, I was laughing so hard. Any chance there's a picture (of Sophie Vadering, not me eating breakfast and reading your blog)?

Lianne said...

Once again your blog has made me laugh out loud. Bravo for being such a great writer.

Aren't boys cool? I have a step-nephew who sounds much like Janzen.

I think you're awesome and I am indeed grieving for the lack of posts.