Sorry to those of you unfortunate souls who read this mornings post. I deleted it. I was wallowing in a bit of self centered-ness, and totally talking out of my ass. For those of you who missed it--count yourselves lucky.
So--on to a topic which has previously been off limits in my blog. Erik. My husband. My love. My friend. My constant struggle. The mirror in which I see myself every day--and sometimes, I don't like what I see.
The Jorgensen house is a house full of Leos. If you know anything about astrology, you should be shaking your head or gasping in pity for us. All Leos secretly expect that when they enter a room, be it the waiting room at the doctor's office or the living room at a friend's house, they will receive a standing ovation. Of course, this rarely happens, and as a result, we always feel just slightly let down. By nature, Leos are leaders--following is a bit beneath us. We want to be adored, respected, and we want people to do what we tell them to do. The picture isn't totally grim, because being around a Leo is usually a lot of fun. Because we want your adoration, we're willing to earn it, and tend to be witty and clever and fun (we hope).
This is true of all 3 Jorgensen Leos. We all think that the other two should really be a bit more grateful to be able to spend their time with us. We all are sure that WE are the leader of this pride, and the other two should just shut the fuck up and do what we say. (Sorry for the odd plural pronoun usage.) As a result, things are often rocky.
Before Sophie came along, Erik and I battled often for the role of HLIC (head lion in charge). Things got down right ugly a few times. In my family, the silent treatment is an art. We did not yell. We offered one another stony and stoic looks--often going months without saying more than the absolute necessity to one who had crossed us. Erik's family, on the other hand, are fighters--yellers--get it on the table and have it out-ers. So, for the first several years of our marriage, he yelled and I suffered in silence, and we were both pretty miserable.
Then, just before I found out I was pregnant, things started going better. We started communicating--getting along. That lasted about 9 months. Along came Sophie, the grandest lion in all the jungle, and things went south.
Now that she's 2, headstrong 2, noncompliant 2, sweet and sassy 2, we may need to hire a mediator. Because we are together ALL DAY EVERY DAY Sophie has become a bit of a mommy's girl. This obviously hurts Erik's feelings. Who wouldn't be put out by a statement like, "Mommy--tell daddy to go back to work." Her Leo need to control and his Leo pride are clashing big time. Add to that the fact that he and I hardly spend any time alone together and I'm obsessive about the house and being a good mom and often forget that he and I are the most important twosome in my life--not me and Sophie, and you can see how the dynamic can be in my house.
Without going into detail, things came to a head last night, and something is going to need to change. So--although Erik doesn't read my blog daily (as he should) I want to tell him here--in public (kind-of) that I love him. That I'm sorry that Sophie and I sometimes form a club of 2. That I am going to try harder to make room and time for just him and me. That I appreciate him so much and don't know what I'd do without him.
Today's best thing about being a mom:
Well folks--kids will teach you more about yourself than any other person or thing on the planet.
Today's worst thing about being a mom:
It's so hard to be a mom and a wife and a friend and a sister and a daughter and an employee and well--yourself!--without dropping the ball and leaving someone or something out.