Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Ready...Set...GO! No--Stop. Ok--NOW Go.

Addendum: After posting the following, I was kind of ripped a new one by one who shall remain annonymous (not you Katy). As a result, I had second thoughts about it, and took it down. I didn't want my words to be misconstrued as either a cry for help, (Which they are not. A cry for help would read more like, "Help! Help!.") or as me trying to be light about something which is kind of, umm, heavy (That would be like, "Hey guys! This 1,000 pound bolder is kind of light!). Here's the thing guys. I'm a bulimic--in recovery. I don't understand totally why this particular disorder parked itself in my life. Surely I couldn't have anything to do with it. In some ways, eating disorders, I think, are harder to kick than, say heroin. When I got off the junk, it was easy. I just said--no more heroin guys--none in the house, no more for the kids, no one bring any home from Albertsons, and we're not stopping by the smack shack on the way home any more either. But with the eating shit, you can't just stop. I tried that too. You have to eat. People around you eat. There is food fucking EVERYWHERE. So--on my current diet, (day 2 now) I slipped. The reason I posted about it is I want to own up to it. I don't want to act like it didn't happen. I know it's not a good choice. There.

So—Blogger is apparently not working at all currently. Only giving myself 15 minutes to blog, so will write this up in Word, and hopefully get it up (he he) later. So—5 minutes per category, food news, Soph news, and misc. Go!

Food News

I fucked up my diet 3 times already. But—really—it’s not my fault. Soph has her “Ooey Gooey Science Lab” summer school thing from 12:00-2:30. So the last two days, I had her out in the world doing shit, and was like, “Fuck! Lunch!” Yesterday we were closest to a fast food joint, and I ended up getting her a hamburger kids meal. Dur. So—about 6 fries and 1/3 of her burger later, I realized what I was doing. THEN after school she remembered that I had promised her, like 3 days ago, that we’d make cookies. DRAT! So—I ate one peanut butter cookie. I did hit the do-over button after the burger debacle (ok—ok—I threw up. But, I am not going to any more.) Today, we were at the grocery store, and I had Soph and her pal Addison—both of whom needed to be fed lunch in the 15 minutes we had before I dropped them off. We hit the deli where I ordered 2! TWO! II! pizza sticks. I opened the bag and the lady at the deli had given us 3! THREE! III! So—yes, I ate the pizza stick, and yes, after I dropped the girls off I hit the do-over button again, but I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT ANY MORE!

So—am currently eating celery stuffed with tuna salad for lunch. Had an egg-white omlett with some tomato and Canadian bacon for breakfast. Yesterday was lettuce roll-ups with turkey and some cottage cheese for lunch—scrambled eggs for breakfast, and teriyaki salmon and broccoli for dinner. I just popped one of those Uncle Ben’s rice bags into the microwave for E and Soph.

Damn. 10 minutes gone. We’ll skip the misc section.

Sophie News

Yesterday when I was trying to get her out the door for something she yelled at me, “But Mom! What about the prophecy!?!?” That was a bit of a stumper. She’s been playing herself crazy—with friends and school and just summer. Yesterday was SO busy. School and swimming lessons and a birthday party. The swimming lessons were not a hit. My sweet sister-in-law took her, and there were tears when I picked her up. Soph is terrified of sinking, apparently. We’ll try again on Wednesday.

Time’s UP!

Today’s best thing about being a mom:
Have you ever played with Gack? It’s very weird stuff. They made it at school yesterday, and Soph brought some home. The Gack occupied most of my evening.

Today’s worst thing about being a mom:
Realizing that I feed her pretty bad. Badly. Poorly. Less fast food—more slow food, is my goal for the summer.


Katy said...

:O. Ok, if you're going to "screw up" just screw up. No more "do over" lest I smite thee with a mighty smiting! GOT IT? The point is that we're trying. The only person that is expecting perfection here is you. And that's just plain stupid. LOVE YA!

PS dinner with SD tomorrow?? Mom said she'd tend.

Missuz J said...

Umm. Doesn't he have a Karaoke gig? I hope he does, because I've been working on my "These Boots are Made for Walkin'." Maybe he's thinking before?

amandak said...

I'm SO glad you put this post back up. I think it's awesome that you're willing to share your struggles your triumphs, your pain and your humor. So SCREW whoever gave you a hard time about it. Sometimes we have to say things the way we have to say them, and no one should judge you for that. The saying is the important part, right? Right!

Katy is right on about the perfection thing. Perfection is an illusion, and totally unrealistic, not to mention totally unattainable. (As a fellow perfectionist, I think I can say that) Forgive yourself for the so-called 'screw ups' and move on.

OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Man oh man - you have some wise sisters there!

Do not "sensor" what you put on your blog - if someone doesn't want to hear it they can plug their ears while they're reading!

Do over's didn't work in Jacks, or jumping rope when I was a kid - so NO MORE DO OVERS. Let's do a let's start again - this is the first meal of the rest of my life attitude!

Hang in there I'm pulling for you!

8:45 PM

Ignore my deleted message it had 2 typo's and bad grammer - can't have that going to the English teacher you know!

~A~ said...

hunh what hunh?

Just keep trying and listen to the little sister.

Anyway, I haven't gotten to the part in my epic story about feeding the kids crappy meals, not once, but twice, in the same day. Yes, even the queen of healthy eating breaks down to the crappy of crap crap crap foods. I figure I'd say it now, because I think you need to know it. ;)


Jen said...

I have done well with South Beach in the past as well and I did the same thing when I first started. I would be putting together a meal for my parrot of fresh fruit and eat a handful of blueberries before I had realized what I had done. I can't imagine how hard it must be with kids and all their associated junk food around.

patrice said...

I'm going to tell you something that makes me extremely fucked up, in the hopes that you don't feel as fucked up, or at least that you realize others are just as fucked up if not more fucked up than you. I have always wished I could be bulimic. I just hate throwing up too much. it would make things much easier except for that whole part about it being really bad for you.

see? everyone's got fucked up stuff, just not everyone says it plainly like you do.

now, for the part that could be considered pandering. I honestly don't think you or katy need to lose any weight because I think you look great, both of you. but losing weight for people who aren't obese is not about anything other than self image. so nothing any of us could say will make you feel like you could lay off the dieting. I just wanted to throw it out there.

NME said...

Tell it like it is. I would expect nothing less from you. And it's why I love reading your blog.

And now - I have to say plainly - cut that shit out. Would want Sophie doing it?

Stine said...

First, I want to commend you for reposting this, and posting it in the first place. I think you need to really let that thought sink in, because it's HUGE!

Second, don't listen to silly people who want us to keep things quiet. Let them stay silent.

Third, I want to commend you for tackling the diet thing again, because that's all any of us ever have, is again, and again, and again. You win each time you start again - that is the important point.

Fourth, please give yourself the luxury of fucking up on occasion darling. It speaks of your humanity. Humanity is beautiful.

Fifth, I believe you have power, strength, and capability more than you can ever comprehend. The lessons you are learning from this will make you wise, and I believe you will teach many about your lessons.

Finally, you are a dear friend and sister, I have every faith that you will prevail.

the beige one said...

truly, thank you for sharing. I advise patience and perseverence. Anything else I could say has been said in a much wiser fashion by previous posters.

Good luck, skidoo.

Jacques Roux said...

Fuck the tool who took a big dump on your parade. I've got some extra Hate lying around (didn't get to use it on AntiChristmas, afterall) if you want to use it.

I'm sure the heroin analogy holds some water here. Like your girls say above, just keep trying.

Erik said...

For clarification:

I am the one who "ripped MissuzJ a new one."

I am generally “silent” around the blog because I want her to have some space away from my overbearing ass. That said, I do enjoy her writing and try to read both blogs regularly.

It’s also possible some of you may be misreading the addendum.

MissuzJ decided to take the original post down on her own...she was neither asked nor told. Furthermore, it was the act itself that prompted the ripping, not the posting of said act.

If it makes her feel better to blog about it...fine. But this was not an isolated incident and I refuse to continue to watch someone as special as MissuzJ engage in a variety of repeated self destructive behaviors.

And for those of you that think I'm over-reacting, or am some kind of dick or tool—I can only say that you don’t live in our house and you only know the one-sided story your told. So go fuck yourself.

Just so we're clear.

On a side note: Well said Patrice. I agree with you on all your points.