Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Call the wambulance

Prepare for some serious crybaby shit

The last two days have been hard. I’ve had a crash and burn of previously unknown proportions. I’m tired in a very, I don’t know, almost aggressive way. It’s not like, “Hmm. Feeling a little sleepy. Wish I could have a little nap,” but, “As my body apparently weights a ton, and as I can not move or walk, I must get in bed now and once I get there, I will not move for 24 hours.” I’ve been able to make myself do the minimum required of a mother and teacher. Sophie has been fed and clothed (mostly) and my students have had something to do (mostly) but anything not urgently required has not happened. No paper grading. No house cleaning. I make it through school, pick up Soph, and then crash on the couch until E gets home, then I go to bed. At 5:00.

Yesterday afternoon I had to take Soph with me to an ALS (Alternative Language Services—formerly known as ESL) meeting at one of the elementary school libraries. She was very good, but accumulated a huge pile of books from hither and thither around the library. I tried to put them away, but finally said, fuck it, and just dropped them in the return box. Received some pretty icy looks for that from the other teachers. After the meeting, I let her play on the play ground for a while. Twice, I ran right into a metal bar or pole and almost knocked myself senseless. I swear—I just didn’t see them. The fog.

But—today is feeling marginally better. Hopefully I’ll be able to stay out of bed until at least 8:00 tonight.

Now then, enough crybaby shit. Anyone have tips on fake eyelashes? My experience with them has been fraught with trauma. The individual lashes didn’t work, because they kind of need to sit on/nestle in your real lashes—so, problem there. I then tried the “strip” lashes, but apparently, the glue for the “individual” lashes is different from the glue for “strip” lashes. The “individual” lash glue is clear and very much like super glue. It dries brittle, and once it’s on something, it doesn’t come off. So—I put it on the strip lashes, not realizing that it was the wrong stuff, and stuck them on. 1st—ouch. 2nd—when I took/pried them off, they were totally ruined.

Back to the beauty store where I discovered the 2 glue nature of fake eyelashes. So, armed with a new tube of “strip” glue and some “Mocha Brown Wispies,” I tried again.

The glue for “strip” lashes is like rubber cement. In theory, it moves with your eye, and when you take the lashes off, the glue is supposed to peel off. Not so much. I kind of got the lashes on straight, opened my eye, and the glue stuck to my eye lid, creating a kind of scary “This chick’s eyelids either have Leprosy or are covered in rubber cement” look. Not precisely the look I’m going for, which is more of a “What me? Of course I have eyelashes. What do you think I am? Some kind of a nut ball who obsessively pulls her eyelashes out?” kind of look.

So—took those lashes off—scrubbed the rubber cement from my eyelids—and began to try removing the glue from the lashes. No. They were totally covered in glue, and no amount of peeling was going to free them. I ruined them too.

Now I’m trying to decide—do I go buy yet another pair? (They’re not too expensive—about 3 bucks a pop.) Or do I just give up, keep wearing my glasses and hope no one notices (why do I care), and wait for the real ones to grow back. I’m still undecided on this.

Today’s best thing about being a mom:
I picked Sophie up early from school yesterday. The drill at Montessori is that you pull up into a round driveway, and the teacher brings your kid out, puts him/her in the car sear, and off you go. Because I was early though, I went into the playground to get her. She was sitting in the sand box with 3 other little girls. After squealing and giving me a hug, she stood next to me, gestured to me very regally, and said to the little girls, “I’d like to introduce you to my mother. Her name is Rebecca.” Of course, the other girls didn’t so much as look up—but Soph didn’t seem to notice. She then introduced me to the girls in the sand box, repeating the performance, “Mother, I’d like to introduce you to my friend. Her name is …” She then went through this process with all of the teachers. It was fairly hilarious.

Today’s worst thing about being a mom:
Knowing that I’m not taking care of her as well as I should lately.

(Oh. No comments on the above "Woe-is me" section. I’m too much of a comment whore to turn them off, but to take a page out of Patrice’s blog—they would just make me feel like a big (ger) looser. So instead, please limit responses to eyelash info OR answer this question: If you could have anyone alive on earth be your slave for the day, who would you choose, and what would be the first thing you would have him/her do?)


OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Answer to question - "My Husband" and I so could NOT tell you what I would have him do.

OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Okay now get your mind out of the gutter - I would have him clean the garage and set things up for the biggest garage sale EVER!

~A~ said...

Yeah, I'm not listening to you and your no comment thing. Are you sure you don't have some lingering, way up high, sinus infection? I mean, shit, you've just got over one infection, there maybe one that's sucking your energy.

As far as the eyelash thing, don't ask me, that's way too girlie. Rob on the other hand may have some helpful hints.

Katy said...

K, not listening either. If you're body is saying you need rest and recooping then you do. Second, the eyelash thing, I will be calling you post haste.

JJisafool said...

Listening, and two words:

Bush. Resign.

Stine said...

I have ideas on the tired thing, but I assume you don't want to hear them, so suffice it to say, you know how to reach me if you ever want to talk about it.

Thinking about you.

lonna said...

I was thinking about Bush and having him resign, but that leaves us with Cheney who is much worse. I guess that he would need to fire everyone first and then quit himself. After all of that he could come to my house and completely clean it from top to bottom. That would be nice.

patrice said...

my boss. and I'd have him just sit outside his office, watching the world go on even though he's not running it. all day long.

I think perhaps you're using too much glue? it sounds like. wear your glasses and let them come back on their own is my vote.

~A~ said...

Oh I have some news that would make you happy.

I'm just about to get my online hands on a copy OED for the computer. If you're interested, let me know.

I figure I should share the love since it was your comment that sparked the idea. :D

Kat said...

It's best to put the glue on the eyelashes, let them hang out for a few seconds for the glue to get a little tacky and less runny and then stick them on. This prevents the glue from globbing when you blink and makes for a better stick & stay.

Some eyelash glues respond well to soapy warm water, but make sure your eyelashes don't have a pre-gooey strip that is supposed to help the glue work. Otherwise, just buy a new pair, but practice with the gumpy ones to figure out the right amount of dry time.

Also, this works for anything you might glue to your body, like backless, strapless bra cup thingies.

Jen said...

Okay, I am ignoring you request. The tired thing, it might actually be something. I was taken over by "agressive tiredness" over two years ago. I would come home from work and pretty much go to bed right after, even while it was still light outside. I went to the doctor and was eventually diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which is closely related to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Once medicated I did much better. Maybe you should consider going to the doctor.

shawnak said...

My comment on the eyelash thing is the same as Kat. You must must must put the glue on the strip first and let it become tacky and then set in place otherwise the lashes move around and create the whole Cruella DeVil look. So I say try again, and they do sell eyelash glue remover to help with the sticky spots on your lids.

Sending you tons of postive energy!

thelyamhound said...

I'm going to partially disrespect your wishes, and give you a few of my many thoughts on the matter of what I think you can do for your health. I think you should see A doctor, but if YOUR doctor is still the dude who prescribes diet pills, I think you need to do better. If you think there may be (and I think there may be) some lifestyle issues to address, only you can do that (though I can offer some advice . . . but only if you ask for it). My least controversial thoughts: Are you drinking enough water? What's your caffeine intake (caffeine, and coffee in particular, can fuck with your adrenal glands)? Any exercise?

But maybe, as has been said, you just need the rest. Sleep and energy defecit can be a bitch.

It's tough, because your putting it out there says to me that you want help; but your request that we not address it leaves me feeling a little hobbled, like I don't want to say the wrong thing. You oughtn't be ashamed of feeling down, or of feeling helpless in the face of it.

And leave your eyelashes alone. Either they'll grow back or they won't. I understand not wanting to look like a neurotic who plucks out her eyelashes, but that means you either have to embrace and accept the neurosis or treat the neurosis, not find expensive and uncomfortable ways of dealing with tangential symptoms. Surely you, with your sharp mind and enviable grasp of irony, can see the folly of that approach.

That said, I'm sure you're just lovely, even without the eyelashes.

rob said...

If you could have anyone alive on earth be your slave for the day, who would you choose, and what would be the first thing you would have him/her do?

You. I would make you go to a day spa and get colon hydrotherapy.