Jiggity Jig

Where did I leave off? Sunday? My mom stayed at the hotel on Sunday night, which was good, because she'd been sleeping on the couch for 4 nights. Monday was mellow. A little more swimming for the kids, a trip to Target. The highlight of Monday, and maybe the trip, for me anyway, was going to a yoga class with Mandy that evening. Not only was the class great, but I got to visit the space and people that have become so important to Mandy, and by default, are important to me.

By Tuesday morning, Sophie was absolutely exhausted. She woke up tired and grumpy, and grumped her way through the rest of the day. We flew out at noon, and changed planes once. I ended up carrying all 50+ pounds of her through 3 airports. Luckily, she slept on both flights. When we arrived in Vegas, I rented a luggage cart, ignored the warning signs, and let her ride for a while. Then we got lost in Vegas for a while, then we came home.

The End.

Explora Kids Science Museum (Experiments in Extreme Blowdrying and Bubble Making)

The vacation is going, well, ok. Yesterday, frankly, was a bit of a cluster fuck. I spent a lot of the day in tears, with a raging nauseous headache. Just my usual of trying to feel other people's feelings for them and/or with them, and getting my feelings hurt by inventing other people's feelings in my head. Dur.

Luckily, I've come far enough to be at least honest about it, and think I resolved most of the shit last night. I'll post about this abstract crap in more detail once I have a little perspective on it.

Today's best thing about being a mom:

Swimming together--her wet little cheek pressed against mine doing mermaid spins in the water.

Today's worst thing about being a mom:

Taking my personal shit out on her, then realizing I've been taking my personal shit out on her, then feeling absolutely terrible about it.

What a Zoo!

zoo 008
Originally uploaded by missuzj.

All Aboard the Zoo Train

zoo 015
Originally uploaded by missuzj.

Seals and Sea Lions

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Originally uploaded by missuzj.

Day 2

So, we just returned from the zoo which was 60% awesome, 30% hot, and 10% smelly.

We were very wise, and rented a wagon to haul the kids around in, although I did end up with Sophie on my shoulders for a while. The Albuquerque zoo is very lovely, with lots of trees and shade and such, but the bottom line is that it's July in the desert and no amount of cottonwoods can change that.

If I were to guess, I'd say that Zack's favorite part of the zoo was pulling the wagon. His least favorite part was the peacock that got quite cheeky during lunch. I'm thinking Madeline's favorite thing was/were? the chocolate Dippin' Dots we had on the way out. Her least favorite part was waiting for said dots until the end of the trip. As for Soph, she got quite a charge out of the train ride, and out of watching the seals swim. Her least favorite part is a tie between the heat and the smell. That girl has the most sensitive nose, which she does not plug when smelling an offensive smell, but rather shoves a finger up each nostril and whines/yells, "Mom! Get that smell out of my nose!"

Last night was a sleeping nightmare. I think ultimately Soph ended up sleeping in 5 different beds. She started out in Madelines as Madeline wanted to sleep in the princess blow-up bed that we brought. That lasted about 10 minutes, the amount of time it took Maddy to change her mind. Then Soph tried the princess bed. No dice. So I tried Mandy's bed with me, then Grandma lying next to her. Nope. Finally we moved sweet Zacky-roo from his bed to his mom's, and I put Soph in his bed. Success, but it left me on the floor in Zack's room, as I am far to big for the princess bed. I rolled around on the floor for an hour or so, and then hunted up all the blankets I could, made a little nest, and put Soph in it. I managed to get a few hours of sleep in Zack's bed, but they were restless. One iced macciato and 2 Pepsi's later, I'm still only quasi awake.

Currently Zack is vaccuming with the toy vaccum (the one he LOVES that he got from Soph who received it from Kodi for her birthday and was scared to death of) and Soph and Madeline are playing babies. I am shirking my motherly duities, and Mand and Mom are visiting. Guess I'd better go join in the fun.

Safe!

We made it.

The trip was basically uneventful, but there were a few moments. First of all, our flight was canceled. We were switched to a new flight--15 minutes earlier, actually--but had to stand in the ticket line rather than self check, which, of course, sucked.

Then, we had to run for the plane because of Vegas traffic, me holding my 50+ pound daughter and her carry on fully-mobile-Sophie-unit. (Purple sparkly Disney princess backpack with wheels and a pully handle thingy.)

After boarding, however, everything went swimmingly. Soph totally took take-off in stride. She was looking out the window, turned to me, and said, "Wow! Riviting!" I shit you not.

It's time for dinner, so must go. More manana.

Today's best thing about being a mom:
Hearing strangers in the airport whispering about how cute Soph is

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Hearing her announcement on getting out of Mand's car: "I'm going to teach these guys how to play NAKED!"

Albuquerque here we come!

I hate packing for trips. I can never decide whether to go the kitchen sink rout or the take only what's necessary rout. So, I've procrastinated worse than usual, and am still not done getting ready for Soph's first long vacation. It's also her first trip on an airplane, so there's a bit of anxiety there, too.

Exciting plans for our stay include a trip to Chuck E. Cheese, the zoo, and many other kid friendly attractions. I just hope I can squeeze in a cocktail or two without pissing off my mother. What's that you say? I'm 30? Well, fuck you.

So--we drive to Vegas in the morning--6:30 p.m. to be precise. The flight leaves at 10ish, and arrives in ABQ, well, sometime. My mom has the tickets, so I don't exactly know.

Someone remind my husband to water my flowers and return the movies--kay? (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was fun fun. Nanny McPhee was too, although Colin never so much as jumped in a pond or loosened his sweaty cravat. Drat.)

Today's best thing about being a mom:
No specifics today. I just love my girl.

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Took her to the beauty college for a trim today. The girl totally butchered Sophie's hair. It was bad. So I hurried to my salon (that I go to twice a year) to have someone fix it. Friends, it is SHORT. Way short. Too short. But--I guess it will grow. Sigh.

Voila!

Step one: Wash and dry your favorite shapeless baggy thrift store jumper with a lipstick.
Step two: Spray and wash and soak several times, failing to remove lipstick spots.
Step three: Say, "Fuck this shit!"
Step four: Fill the pen to the Aquadoodle with bleach.
Step five: Disguise lipstick spots by drawing, badly, assorted butterflies and flowers all over said jumper.
Step six: Photograph and post.

Life, the Universe, and Everything

Ever try to explain geological time to a 3 year old?

Soph, like many preschoolers, digs the dinosaurs. We've talked in the past about how dinosaurs are not around anymore--how they were alive a long long time ago. Of course, to a 3 year old, a long long time is how long ago Christmas was.

So--we were looking at a dinosaur book that had some pictures of dinosaur bones in a museum. Also of note, we took Sophie and Janzen to the dinosaur museum a few months ago. Soph began to explain to me how the dinosaurs all died in museums (convenient--eh) and then the people took their skin off and their guts out and hung them up with ropes. She was very confident that she had figured the whole dinosaur thing out.

I tried to explain to her that the dinosaurs lived a REALLY long time ago. Before Disneyland. Before cars. Before people even. She didn't buy that for a minute. Before people? Whatever mom. I'll stick with the dinosaur skin peeling thanks. You're nuts.

Kind of tricky. The origins of life on the planet and the universe and everything. I guess I could have told her God did it, but I have a feeling she would have found that as ridiculous as the "before people" bit.

I've decided that folks began religions and mythologies because they needed something to say when their kids asked them questions. "Mom, why are their wieners?" "Mom, when will I be big?" "Mom, who made words?" I need a better answer than--"Umm."

Kung Foo Cowboy

A few questions Soph has asked me over the last couple of days:

While eating lunch at the Hunan today, and a group of cowboy hat clad burlyish guys walked in:
"Mom? Are they having a Chinese hoe-down?"

While playing My Little Ponies with me yesterday:
"Mom? Do My Little Ponies poop colorful poop?"

After performing a bellyflop--directly onto my belly:
"If you mind if I join you?"

She has started to preface a lot of her questions with "If you mind if...," as in, "If you mind if I get on the counter?" and "If you mind if I get out my Barbies." I'm not sure exactly where this little syntactical glitch stems from, but it is a little cute.

In other news, I put a load of my favorite clothes in the wash (read--the ones that fit) along with my mocha brown lipstick. The damage is irreparable. I've sprayed and washed and soaked and blotted and scrubbed. This doesn't bode well for my trip to Albuquerque in 5 days. S0--that sucked.

Also--the renaissance fair is in town, and Soph has suckered me out of about 20 bucks worth of tickets for the huge blow up slide thing. She loves it with a boingy bouncy passion that cannot be denied. So much so that I'm looking into renting it for her birthday. Which is coming up pretty soon, actually. Less than a month. I may cave and get her the floam. I may double cave and also get her an easy bake oven. Spoiled little shit.

Janzen is back up at his mom's house, and while I miss him, it's also nice to not feel like I need to come up with fun things to do everyday. In fact, today I'm pretty much not going to do shit. Soph and Bianca dragged all of the doll stuff into the front room, and I'm hiding out in my room. When I was a kid, my mom had days where she would say, "Unless someone's bleeding or dead I don't want to hear about it." This is kind of one of those days.

Today's best thing about being a mom:
While we were at lunch, she kept wanting to do that Lady and the Tramp thing with her lo mein noodles--both start at one end and meet in the middle. It did get old after a while, but was fun to start with.

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
While I was leaning across the table to cut up her chicken, I put my boobs smack in my plate--bright red sweet and sour sauce. Good thing I have a new bottle of spray and wash.

Yesterday

Whew. Yesterday was busy. Took the kids to Cedar Breaks National Monument--just about 20 minutes "up the mountain." It was grayish, but the wildflowers were spectacular, and they both had fun. We drove home in a thunderstorm, and made peanut butter and honey cookies, then did a little puddle jumping.

Today Soph has been tormenting Janzen's friend who's over by calling him a "Bonny wee lassie" over and over and over again.

Pics and Haiku follow.

Today's best thing about being a mom:
Watching Janzen look out for and take care of his little sis

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Trying to watch a movie, albeit a very stupid one that I'm too embarrassed to even name, and having her climb all over me, lick me, kiss me, pinch me, draw on me, and try about every trick in the book to shift my attention from the movie to her.

Yipee

I'll get my pants wet?
That's no reason not to splash.
See? They come right off!

Splish Splash

Summer puddle fun
Backyard rain lake splashing play
Who says I'm grown up?

Point Supreme

What a big ass hole!
Posing this close to the edge
Was mom's dumb idea.

Posh Ponchos

Ponchos are the bomb.
They accessorize and shield
Kidletts from the rain.

Colors Haiku

Green, greener, greenest
Sophie pink and Janzen blue
Pallet of our day

Is that...blue sand? Why yes, yes it is. 

Weekend in Review

Just a day by day account.

Friday

Soph wheedled a McDonald's trip out of me for breakfast. She was sharing the play-place with a group of kids who were fairly severely learning disabled. The result was sadly sweetly cute. She kept trying to engage them in conversation without success. She'd go up to one little soul and offer, "Want to join me in the train?" and get no response. So she'd try another with, "Do you like horsies? They're my favorite!" and again nothing. She came crying to me and I tried to explain that some kids are different and even though they look like big kids they still think like little tiny kids and don't talk or play like big kids, but I think I kind of blew it.

Then we headed to the nursery, as the aphids ate all of the flowers in my flower pots. The nursery cat had a newish litter of kittens that kept Soph entertained while I tried to find something that wasn't way past its bloom. After the nursery, we hit a little craft fair where I bought this huge sand box toy--in theory you dump sand in and it slides through spouts and spins stuff and is great.

SO--since we had a new sand toy, we needed new sand for the sand box as the neighbor's herd of cats shat in Sophie's sand box. I swear those little bastards post a sentinel and if I leave the lid off for one night they sound the alarm and all come have a potty party.

After looking at all the hardware stores in town, and being told they were out of play sand, I went to Walmart. All they had left was BLUE play sand. If you think blue play sand sounds like a bad idea, you're absolutely right. Regular sand is skin color. Blue sand is not, unless you're a smurf. So, although Soph LOVES the blue sand and blue mud, every time she gets in the sand box, she gets out looking like a pen exploded all over her hands and feet. My bathtub has a thin layer of blue sand in it, as does my color, and my entire patio. Sigh. Plus, the sand toy works precisely for shit.

On a brighter note, I busted out my leaf blower. I fucking LOVE my leaf blower. I have a ginormous patio and 2 hugemongous poplar trees, plus the sand box, dog, daugher, assorted shrubs, and famous Cedar City wind. My yard gets looking like shit, and I just blow it all next door. Yes.

Saturday

Yesterday, Soph's pal Addison was over pretty much all day. When Bianca showed up, I told her Soph already had a play friend, and that she could come over later, and basically broke her little heart. Soph and Addison had fun with dress ups, playdough, blue sand, and other assorted messy activities. We took a trip to the DI (Deseret Industries--read Mormon thrift store) where I scored an absolutely DARLING old baby doll cradle for like three bucks.

Which leads to last night, which was our usual patio party with the usual crowd and usual games and usual adult libations. Friends Paul and Jen did some reporting on their honeymoon in Hawaii (luckies).

Sunday

This morning was party recovery. E, for once, was more hungover than I was, although he still let me sleep in a little, and loaded all the glasses in the dishwasher. Early this afternoon, Soph went to spend some time with her Grandma Carolyn and we big kids tried to catch the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Of course, it was sold out, so we hit the video store (how long until we start calling it the DVD store, I wonder?). Finding a movie that a 12 year old boy, 30 year old women, and 31 year old man is a tricky thing. We ended up with "The Matador" which wasn't half bad. It's a surprisingly fun twist on the buddy movie--and Pierce Brosnan managed to be a fairly likeable slimeball, although the moustache and gold chain were pretty painful. I managed to tell Janz to close his eyes for almost all the sex.

Currently, Soph and I are watching "Spring for Strawberry Shortcake." She's sporting her Power Puff Girls t shirt and a fine layer of blue sand. Before that E, Janz and I had a fun game of catch while Soph played in the sand box and Jimmy got in the way. Catch came after dinner on the patio--hamburgers cooked on the grill (My patio is really bitchin'. I'll take pictures.).

Summer days. Love love love them.

Today's best thing about being a mom:
This morning we made biscuits together. She thought I was a culinary genius. "What?!? You know how to make biscuits? That's AMAZING!"

Today's worst thing about being a mom:
Blue Sand

Don't be a pussy.

OK. Here's the question. It's a fill in the blank.


I think that I am smarter than _____% of the people I meet.


Don't puss out. Don't say--"Well, in languages, or in outdoors stuff or whatever." Just a number. An honest number. You may follow the number with some dialogue if you wish, but nothing that tries to excuse or soften the blow of your chosen percentage. I expect from you erudite long winded boys some kind of comment on what constitutes "smart" and "smarter than." Hopefully, everyone is already clear on "people."

I'll go first. 75%

Keep in mind, most of my conversation is with minors and preschoolers. Also, I live in a hick town in the middle of the desert. BUT truth told, I'm also a bit of an intellectual snob.

See how I did that? I went ahead and excused my percentage. Didn't follow the instructions. Guess I'll drop that down to a 74%.

There. Your turn.